im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Ketchup is God's man juice
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
