; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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