I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
