nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
