how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
