Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
