Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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