I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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