Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
