Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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