Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
