Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
