it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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