i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
My vagina just recognized that song.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
