4 words: hood of his car
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
