Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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