I wish they made helmets for livers.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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