Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
