I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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