I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
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Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
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This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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