Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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