May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
