Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
