New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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