You can't special order awesome
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
