Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
