Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
After last night, I could never be a politician.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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