Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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