I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
