He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
