He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
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