True but thats because hes a fetus.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
