Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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