i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
