Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
And then he peed in my hair
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