I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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