Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
