she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
