I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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