Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
