Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
