apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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