Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
3 2 1 whiskey
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
