My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
