BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
