why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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