The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
