My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize