and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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