my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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