I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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