i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
