I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
