the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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