Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
