What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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