The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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