Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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