if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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