I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
