I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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