So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
