She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
