he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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