i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
