I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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