Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
