ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
