my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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