Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
