I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
