Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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