Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
