Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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