Apparently you make a good broom.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
