two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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