sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
