Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
