i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
