I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
if only i could text you this smell
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
