the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
