I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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