you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
